No matter what iron is in my fire, I have to keep adding to it........
I keep finding stuff I want to do and somehow I fail to find the time (and physical energy) to have a go at them all - I swear it's where all the headaches come from, the brain just won't shut down!!!
Forget the housework, the going to work, the homely chores, I'm talking about ALL those things that interest me, that fire me up, the stuff I don't know how to do and want to know how!
Take gardening, not a big fan of it; too impatient to watch things grow and not a clue where to start. Well, I didn't three years ago but after a bit of practise, I still don't have a clue, but I have a pretty good idea where to start and from that point I have learnt to let nature tell me what to do next. Nature lets you make mistakes and rectify them the next year - it's the best learning curve there is! It's just a pity the British weather makes for a poor classroom assistant.
Take drumming, I did it as a teenager, too busy to keep it up and no detached house to fit a kit into, well, not much changed here, but I still enjoy my drumming lessons, it's a skill I don't have and an activity I truly enjoy and I want to learn it to my highest level!
Take writing this screenplay I have started on. Too busy to write twenty four seven (More's the pity) and as a slave to my inner creativity I often find I can go days before inspiration bites and I write more. I still have a very long way to go with this project, but like with all of my passions they tend to buzz around my head like an incessant worker bee until the work is done!
Take the cross stitch I started in 2003 for my Mum and still haven't finished it! It's been to Australia and Sardegna with me, it's been worked on in sunshine and in the heart of the winter months, it's had bits redone because I made a mistake and had to rectify it (no one else would have known, but I would, seeing it hung on the wall, errors and all). But, I will finish it, when I can and preferably before I die!
Take learning Italian. Too busy to sit down and have Italian lessons during the week , so I utilise the time I have in the car (in between TomTom giving me verbal directions) with a learn Italian CD, I have a feeling I will be looking at ways of learning stuff in my sleep at this rate just to fit it all in!
Take the house and all it's redecoration jobs. My pot of ideas is bigger than the pot of gold!
Take the bespoke, designer shelving system I want to make for the living room wall and again my pot of ideas is bigger than the pot of gold and the pot of time!
Take the wood carving (well...my Grandad used to be a wood carver so I naturally think I am able!!) , not only do I want to finish the cross stitch but I want to frame it in a hand carved wood frame, one that I carved with teddy bears to match the cross stitch (or rather have to as I can't find one to buy anywhere and if I have to commission one, I'll commission it to myself!!) and it all has to be as perfect as I can possibly make it.
I have a feeling that as most people role their previous years annual leave in to the next holiday year, I will be rolling my wants and desires into my next life!! I'd like to think that all these current interests are enough to keep me entertained for the next 30 or 40 years, but I think we know I'll find more along the way......................
Right, time to get writing/sewing/carving/learning Italian/drumming/gardening (delete as appropriate according to creative flow ;0)
xx
AG
Saturday 16 August 2008
Saturday 2 August 2008
Balancing the Faith.
There is nothing worse than being told or knowing that to make it yours, you have to write it.
Ok, I am trying.
Ok, I have a job that takes up a large majority of my time.
Ok, I haven’t won the lottery and can think about building that Italian fattoria where I want to spend my days writing,
Ok I get it!
But get this - I can’t write this in a day!
I can’t write this and it NOT be perfect.
I can’t write this and not have it offer something special.
Otherwise what would be my point?
Am I writing this because I have suddenly had an epiphany that I want to write, that I want to screen write?
Am I writing this because I have a passing fad that interests me and this time it happens to be screenwriting?
Nope, I am writing this because since 2003 this tale, this story – this True story has been hanging around me; noosed around my neck.
Now, call it fate that my Grandfathers basic, initial research fell into my hands after he died. Fate that the idea fell into the hands of someone who wanted a great story to tell. Call it fate that after days and weeks and years of searching I have uncovered evidence and research that not everyone could find. Just call it fate that this is something I am very, very passionate about, and believe that others will feel passionate about too.
So forgive me for being a little scared about getting it wrong.
Oh, I have no doubt that the day I print off the manuscript and forward it on I will probably be drunk! I will probably be so sick of the sight of the thing so bewildered by it’s hold over me that I will probably write the last sentence , print it and in a drunken stupor think sod it and and send it!
But as much as I think this might be my fate, I am still not entirely sure:
I Might have more faith in me than that and a hope that others might do to!
Failure doesn’t scare me.
Failure when you haven’t even tried doesn’t scare me.
Failure when you did try – does.
So, I have to write this perfect thing.
This thing that no director; no producer would ever want to change. I have to write the perfect thing that is so unique, that is so awe en capturing that not only do I get paid, but everyone gets to share in my intrigue, in my passion of such a tale.
Would you give up now, knowing all this? Or would you just carry on? Wondering if somewhere there is a calling for you? And I don’t just mean for last orders!
Generally, if I go on about something enough, people get my passion. It might be rammed swiftly down their throats, but they get it, they get my drive, my desire. What if all that is wrong? What if it’s all a big waste of time? What if no one wants to know the story, what if they do and they hear it and they find cleaning the oven more invigorating?
This stuff worries me.
This stuff can give me writers block. This stuff can make me doubt even the stuff!
Maybe not enough to quit though.
To pause and reflect – Yes.
To forget all hopes of the story I had to tell in production – Nope
Ok, I am trying.
Ok, I have a job that takes up a large majority of my time.
Ok, I haven’t won the lottery and can think about building that Italian fattoria where I want to spend my days writing,
Ok I get it!
But get this - I can’t write this in a day!
I can’t write this and it NOT be perfect.
I can’t write this and not have it offer something special.
Otherwise what would be my point?
Am I writing this because I have suddenly had an epiphany that I want to write, that I want to screen write?
Am I writing this because I have a passing fad that interests me and this time it happens to be screenwriting?
Nope, I am writing this because since 2003 this tale, this story – this True story has been hanging around me; noosed around my neck.
Now, call it fate that my Grandfathers basic, initial research fell into my hands after he died. Fate that the idea fell into the hands of someone who wanted a great story to tell. Call it fate that after days and weeks and years of searching I have uncovered evidence and research that not everyone could find. Just call it fate that this is something I am very, very passionate about, and believe that others will feel passionate about too.
So forgive me for being a little scared about getting it wrong.
Oh, I have no doubt that the day I print off the manuscript and forward it on I will probably be drunk! I will probably be so sick of the sight of the thing so bewildered by it’s hold over me that I will probably write the last sentence , print it and in a drunken stupor think sod it and and send it!
But as much as I think this might be my fate, I am still not entirely sure:
I Might have more faith in me than that and a hope that others might do to!
Failure doesn’t scare me.
Failure when you haven’t even tried doesn’t scare me.
Failure when you did try – does.
So, I have to write this perfect thing.
This thing that no director; no producer would ever want to change. I have to write the perfect thing that is so unique, that is so awe en capturing that not only do I get paid, but everyone gets to share in my intrigue, in my passion of such a tale.
Would you give up now, knowing all this? Or would you just carry on? Wondering if somewhere there is a calling for you? And I don’t just mean for last orders!
Generally, if I go on about something enough, people get my passion. It might be rammed swiftly down their throats, but they get it, they get my drive, my desire. What if all that is wrong? What if it’s all a big waste of time? What if no one wants to know the story, what if they do and they hear it and they find cleaning the oven more invigorating?
This stuff worries me.
This stuff can give me writers block. This stuff can make me doubt even the stuff!
Maybe not enough to quit though.
To pause and reflect – Yes.
To forget all hopes of the story I had to tell in production – Nope
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