Balancing the Faith.

There is nothing worse than being told or knowing that to make it yours, you have to write it.
Ok, I am trying.
Ok, I have a job that takes up a large majority of my time.
Ok, I haven’t won the lottery and can think about building that Italian fattoria where I want to spend my days writing,
Ok I get it!

But get this - I can’t write this in a day!
I can’t write this and it NOT be perfect.
I can’t write this and not have it offer something special.

Otherwise what would be my point?

Am I writing this because I have suddenly had an epiphany that I want to write, that I want to screen write?
Am I writing this because I have a passing fad that interests me and this time it happens to be screenwriting?

Nope, I am writing this because since 2003 this tale, this story – this True story has been hanging around me; noosed around my neck.

Now, call it fate that my Grandfathers basic, initial research fell into my hands after he died. Fate that the idea fell into the hands of someone who wanted a great story to tell. Call it fate that after days and weeks and years of searching I have uncovered evidence and research that not everyone could find. Just call it fate that this is something I am very, very passionate about, and believe that others will feel passionate about too.

So forgive me for being a little scared about getting it wrong.

Oh, I have no doubt that the day I print off the manuscript and forward it on I will probably be drunk! I will probably be so sick of the sight of the thing so bewildered by it’s hold over me that I will probably write the last sentence , print it and in a drunken stupor think sod it and and send it!

But as much as I think this might be my fate, I am still not entirely sure:
I Might have more faith in me than that and a hope that others might do to!

Failure doesn’t scare me.
Failure when you haven’t even tried doesn’t scare me.
Failure when you did try – does.

So, I have to write this perfect thing.

This thing that no director; no producer would ever want to change. I have to write the perfect thing that is so unique, that is so awe en capturing that not only do I get paid, but everyone gets to share in my intrigue, in my passion of such a tale.
Would you give up now, knowing all this? Or would you just carry on? Wondering if somewhere there is a calling for you? And I don’t just mean for last orders!

Generally, if I go on about something enough, people get my passion. It might be rammed swiftly down their throats, but they get it, they get my drive, my desire. What if all that is wrong? What if it’s all a big waste of time? What if no one wants to know the story, what if they do and they hear it and they find cleaning the oven more invigorating?

This stuff worries me.
This stuff can give me writers block. This stuff can make me doubt even the stuff!

Maybe not enough to quit though.
To pause and reflect – Yes.
To forget all hopes of the story I had to tell in production – Nope