Tinder box for the soul ......

I usually have a real fire in my belly.

I don’t mean in the form of heartburn or indigestion - despite my desire to often eat raw, hot chillies on my cheese butty; but in the ‘I’ve got gumption’ way.
I’m struggling to sit and concentrate on ‘my screenplay and other stories’ at the moment so I took the stress relieving action that I’ve learnt and I have walked away from it: All of it.

Walked away is possibly a little over dramatic, if I’m totally honest, I’ve only just slightly turned one shoulder to it whilst keeping one eye locked on it, my hand slightly touching; keeping it safe. I am bonded to my project in a way that now sees it as a major part of my life as far as hopes, dreams and desires are concerned. I blogged earlier about whether or not this project was beginning to ‘define me’ because it always sparked an enormous amount of passion in me when discussing it. Not many other subjects were doing that, but this one has been very close to my heart for several years.

I have learnt to take a break though. When other things in my life are getting in the way of my mental freedom, I have learnt that I have to put my writing to one side. It is not simply because ‘I give up’ or that I can’t battle on through it, but because I can actually use 'reverse psychology' on my own brain. Indeed, I outwit myself!

Yes, if I tell myself to walk away, to take a break, to get myself away from whatever it is that is causing me stress, then you can guarantee that within days, even hours, I’ve convinced myself that I actually want, actually need, what it was that I walked away from.

Not only do ‘I have gumption’ but I am also well known for being ‘tenacious’. To me that always sounds like I’m a bull in a china shop, but let’s face it, it does mean I always get the job done, that I don’t give up! I think this is why I’m not afraid to take a break, to let my brain ‘breathe a while’ because I know full well that at some point the ‘tenacious me’ will out itself again.

I also know that at the moment, a possible short term move abroad might just be taking up some of that valuable 'thinking real-estate' in my mind and it’s attempting to evict all other subject-inhabitants - though I think that this will only spur me on to work harder on my project! I would need to finish it before I move as there would be little time to complete it once abroad and there is no way I could ever leave my project home alone!

I’ve also had some friendship issues that have made me melancholic. They’ve also made me revert inwards and probably forced me to judge myself in an unnecessarily harsh way. But although this has happened and it has put me off my stride with regards to my screenplay, it has thickened the urge to get another project on the go; or at least pen some notes on these new ideas. I know all too well, that the mood of my writing matches that of my own, so when I feel hurt and upset, I find solace by totally indulging myself in a project, or a character, that demands some dark, inward reflection. And so I understand that my screenplay, with its light hearted subject, becomes abstract at these times and I find myself walking away from it in order to work on something of a more 'morose genre'; letting it absorb the sombre mood.

Perhaps the fire in my belly is merely in need of a spark to rekindle its glow - Perhaps someone has a tinder box for the soul that I could use?

xx
Ag